The Spirit of Christmas
by frozenpixie
Summary: Sequel to Light Follows After: Partners L and Light are back at Wammy's House, and their hope of a peaceful Christmas is hijacked by the Wammy's crew, mysterious missing presents, and a crazy case all about... chocolate? Warning: fluff abounds.
1. Christmas at Wammy's

**Oh look, I did it again, didn't I? Ok, so I epically do not have the time to be starting another multichaptered fic, but as usual I have no common sense, so here is the beginning of a fic inspired by the amazing idea left to me in an anonymous review from Mary Lou, to whom I cannot reply, but to whom I am greatly indebted. After all, who can resist the prompt of Wammy's fluff at Christmas? Oh, and crime, of course. **

**Unfortunately I can't promise regular updates, but I will try to finish what I have started... eventually. This is pretty much a sequel to Light Follows After, but all you desperately need to know for background is that L and Light are together and solving crimes. Read LFA if you like, though. This will be much less conflicty, and much more fluffy. But hopefully it will be enjoyable. Anyways, happy reading!**

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L was looking guilty. Light was scowling.

"It's not like it's for long," L tried apologetically after a long and slightly chilly silence in the back of the limo. "There's no need to be so cold towards me."

"I'm not being cold towards you," Light said, coldly.

"Oh, I forgot, Light-kun often likes to imitate a refrigerator for his own amusement," L said sarcastically. "I know Light-kun hasn't seen his family in a while, but the boys looked so _sad…_" L trailed off with his own version of abandoned puppy eyes. Light thawed a little.

"It's not about my family! L, you know perfectly well that those three are little demons. They'd do anything they could to manipulate decent human beings; taking a 'sad orphan' photo and sending it to you is the oldest trick in the book."

"When you're talking about 'decent human beings', Light-kun, are you including yourself in that category?" L asked, putting his finger to his lips. The general temperature dropped again.

"It's just a few days," L wheedled as Light sat tight-lipped. "Quillsh makes excellent stuffing."

"I already said its fine," Light sighed, looking ruefully at L. "Spending Christmas at Wammy's House is no problem. Why would I possibly be upset about spending our first Christmas together with a bunch of interfering geniuses clamouring for your attention?"

"Aah," L said, looking enlightened; for a genius, he could be a little slow sometimes. "I see your point. I think you mean genii, though."

"No, you are incorrect," Light argued. The slightly stormy atmosphere suddenly became electric.

"Quillsh!" L called out, not breaking eye contact with his lover. The screen dividing driver from passengers came down.

"Yes, L?" Wammy sounded slightly exasperated.

"Is the plural of genius _geniuses," _he spat out the word with distaste, "or genii?"

Wammy paused for a moment to take in the atmosphere. Two sets of smouldering eyes bored into him.

"I believe both are correct," he said cautiously. Thunder crackled ominously in the back seat, and both men began to argue furiously at the tops of their voices in complicated syntax, using words the old man had trouble even understanding.

Wammy quickly put the screen back up. Now everyone was mad at everyone. This was going to be a fun Christmas.

By the time the limo pulled up outside the sweeping mansion in the English countryside, sulky silence had replaced the argument in the back seat, and L and Light were each avoiding the other's gaze. Without the fondly remembered handcuff to connect them, they were standing as far away from each other as possible, the atmosphere tense. However, when you are visiting a household of young, socially inept children with a collective IQ which possibly exceeds the digits of pi, there is little chance they will notice a thing like this, or lend any delicacy to the situation. The second the doors of the car opened, both men were met with a swarm of eager orphans, whose general appearance was like that of an exploded Santa's workshop; gold tinsel and multi-coloured pom-poms abounded.

"L! L! You came, you came!"

"Amy and Tea won't let me decorate the tree because I'm too short, but they're getting the angles of the decorations all wrong!"

"Did you bring us presents? Are they in the trunk?"

"Come help us decorate! L! _L!_"

The clamour of voices enveloped them both, and Light felt small hands tugging him insistently inside the house, which was so drenched in glitter and so scattered with holly that it was impossible to move without getting severely and intimately prickled or coming out looking like Lady Gaga. L and Light's eyes met over the tops of sparkling heads in mirrored expressions of pure terror and exasperation. Then they both remembered they were fighting, and looked away, scowling. Wammy, holding the luggage, sighed. They were both so stubborn.

It had been over a year since they had last visited Wammy's House. On the last visit, L and Light had still been dancing around each other as well as they could in a pair of heavy metal handcuffs, and the entire house had been relieved to see the back of them once they realised that one plus one minus handcuffs (mostly) equalled two. They had spent a few months 'honeymooning' in Scandinavia, then Paris, solving crimes at leisure along the way, but L had been called away on an important, highly delicate case over the Christmas weeks by the Spanish government, and Light, barred from helping by the higher-ups, had returned home to spend time with his family. Their plans of a Christmas together were scuppered. L's case had dragged, and Light had begun out of pure boredom to take on work from the NPA, swiftly making himself practically indispensible. For a while, it looked as if their professional as well as personal relationship was over. Finally, their paths had clashed again over a particularly fiendish international case, and when obliged to work together for a solution, their partnership had seamlessly resumed. Once the case was solved, summer took them to Australia, and autumn to Brussels and Geneva. They had barely finished tying the ends to a case in Amsterdam, where they had hoped to spend a few days before going to Scotland to enjoy the Christmas break alone, together, for the first time, when L had received an aggrieved letter from his three favourite wards, Mello, Matt and Near. Its narrative was a little obscure in places for teenagers who were more well-read than most Cambridge scholars, but the general theme was clear:

_Dear L and Light,_

_I hope you are still alive. We are too, as if you'd even care, since you haven't spoken to us in months. Things are mostly normal here. Near got a puppy for his birthday from Mello, but then Mello wanted it back because it was really cute. Now they do nothing but fight, and I look after the puppy most of the time anyway. It's called Matt Junior. _

_Mello just hit me over the head for writing that. He says it's called Anthrax, but I think that's a lame name, so I call it Matt Jr. Oh, and Near says it's called Agamemnon. _

_Hey, L, are you and Light coming up for Christmas this year? We've missed you loads, and we have plenty of cool stuff to show you. I beat your score on Resident Evil again. Please come, it's boring without you. Mello says he'll even make you a cake. Chocolate, of course. And Near is looking really sad. Pleeeease, L? _

_Matt, Mello and Near_

The photograph included had been even more pathetically persuasive than the letter. Near's hair had been even more tousled, overgrown and fuzzy than usual, his eyes like giant black pools of loneliness. Mello was pulling his most dejected face, and both L and Light found it difficult to look at the angelic blond without their hearts melting a little, even though they knew he was probably just faking it. The fact he had grown about a foot since they had last met did nothing to detract from his adorable vibe, only serving to make the tiny Near look more fragile and doll-like in comparison. Matt, as tall as Mello and twice as gangly, had for once pushed his goggles around his neck, and his eyes were as round and innocent as the other two, his lower lip pushed out in a pleading pout. The teenage menaces looked like heartbroken four year olds.

L had crumbled like a sandcastle in a blender.

Light had sulked for over a week.

And now, here they all were, at the mercy of the three devils, and their minions, for as long as it took for L to hunt down every piece of cake in the house and devour it. Light was not amused.

Especially because it took the ulterior motive exactly as long to come out as it did for L to find cake; approximately three minutes.


	2. All Things Chocolate

**Ok. So this chapter is a bit, um, odd? But sense-making things are forthcoming. Hopefully. I'll focus more on our boys later, I'm just getting the plot established first. And what a weird one it is... confused yet? And the Christmas theme is entirely necessary, I assure you. Maybe by the time I finish the fic it'll be more seasonal. Oh, and also, I can't really remember the boys' ages in relation to LFA or DN canon, so just accept that they are what I say they are if you please. On with the story...**

The scene was sort of homey, if your home was usually filled with hyperactive children and more confectionary than most people could as much as look at without feeling slightly nauseous. In the centre of the scene sat L and Light, both slim, one dark and messy-haired and crouched like a cautious cat, the other neat and meticulous, long legs crossed in front of him. Both were seated at a long, battered table, Light's end rife with adoring six year old girls with pigtails, L's with awe-struck boy of about twelve, their hair conspicuously more tousled than it had been five minutes ago. A white-haired boy of fifteen, who looked to a casual observer to be about nine, was sitting at L's feet like a faithful pet, playing with a toy dinosaur.

Behind L's chair, practically humming with excitement, stood a tall blond boy of sixteen, his clothes a little shorter, blacker and tighter than anyone else's in the room. Since all the sweet foods seemed to have shuffled over to this side of the table, the boy appeared to be making the most of this vantage point to sneak treats over his mentor's shoulder at regular intervals. Over Light's end, a skinny redhead with orange goggles pushed into his shaggy hair and a scruffy-looking puppy in his arms was eagerly trying to get his voice heard over the general din. Light was smiling, chatting and generally exuding an air of polite interest to everyone who wasn't a messy-haired, cake-shovelling detective. Said messy-haired detective was shovelling cake, and paying no attention to anyone around him.

Finally, Mello seemed to grow bored, and used his boisterous arrogance to shepherd everyone out of the room apart from Matt, who seemed to have a Get Out Of Jail Free where it came to Mello, and Near, whose presence was both inconspicuous and at least outwardly innocent of any attention-stealing properties. Light sighed in appreciation, and relaxed for approximately four seconds. Then, the bombshell came.

"Hey, L, me'n Matt'n Near were hoping you guys could help us with something," Mello piped up; he was not very good at beating around the bush.

"Oh yes?" L asked with vague interest.

Light was less optimistic; whenever the boys asked them for a favour, it generally ended up being a lot more expensive, painful or humiliating than he initially anticipated.

"What sort of thing?" he with some suspicion.

"Nothing bad," Matt interjected quickly, Mello and Near nodding along solemnly. "We didn't do anything. We just, well… actually, it's about chocolate."

Silence came in through the door, took off her coat and shoes, and settled expectantly at the table.

"Errr… chocolate." Light thought it best to clarify the situation. "You want our help because of chocolate."

"Yeah," Mello nodded encouragingly. "Yeah, chocolate. Say, L, how was the cake? Was it good?"

"It was excellent, Mello-kun," L nodded, looking unperturbed by the chocolaty turn the conversation had taken. "Is there any more?"

"No," Mello said firmly. L looked disappointed.

"The thing is," Near spoke up for the first time, "we think there's something wrong with the chocolate."

"Well, not wrong exactly," Mello amended. "Just… well, we think there's something suspicious going on."

"With chocolate?" Light said again.

"Yes," Mello nodded. "With chocolate. An investigation into chocolate, to be precise."

"Can people stop saying chocolate?" L said petulantly. "It's making me hungry."

"You are such a child," Light complained. "Look, here." He pulled out a packet of cookies from his laptop case. L gave him a wide, very affectionate smile. It had the same general effect on Light as a warm blanket and a mug of hot chocolate. With marshmallows.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven, Light-kun?" L asked hopefully. Light rolled his eyes. He was no match for that tone.

"Yes, I guess," he sighed. "I suppose you wouldn't really have been happy unless you were investigating something anyway. We may as well kill two birds with one stone. As long as we get _some _alone time."

This time, L's expression was suggestive of something slightly less PG rated than marshmallows.

"It's a promise," he grinned.

Matt looked confused, Near bored, and Mello slightly grossed out by the brief exchange.

"Yes, well, now you've smoothed out whatever lover's tiff you were apparently having, could we please get back to the case in hand?" Mello asked, businesslike. "L, have you ever heard of CFC?"

"CFC? It does not ring any bells. I believe it's a fairly common acronym," L frowned. Light, however, rolled his eyes, a faint smile on his face.

"You might be an excellent detective, L, but leaving other people to do everything for you, including Christmas shopping, means you are woefully ignorant in some matters."

"I resent that, Light-kun," L pouted. "I have no time for small matters such as shopping when the CIA, the FBI and M15 all have my number on speed-dial."

"So you make me do it," Light said resignedly. "I know, but even you ought to know CFC; half the presents in this bag are made by them – hey, where's the bag?" Light looked around wildly for the gargantuan sack of presents he and Watari had spent painstaking hours picking out for the children whilst L slept in the back of the car the day before.

"You do remember where you are, right?" Mello laughed unkindly. "If you take your eye of a heap of presents for five minutes in this house, you can expect them to have been stolen, distributed, broken, fixed, consumed, redistributed and sold for a profit to another kid by now."

"Oh," Light said in a small voice.

"You've been away for too long," Mello sighed theatrically. "I bet someone picked your pocket, too."

Light reached automatically for his pockets; his phone was still there. Mello snickered.

"Just kidding; we're not criminals," he said. "Well, most of us aren't. Since the presents were for them, you can't expect them to wait for Christmas until they open them. It's four whole days away."

"How old are you?" Near's voice floated up cynically from the ground.

"Older than you, midget," Mello sniped back. "And you still play with kiddie toys."

"You ought to be glad I do, or we never would have thought of this whole thing," Near responded calmly.

"Is anyone ever going to tell me what CFC is?" L asked pathetically.

Light took pity on his clueless partner.

"You know those chocolates Watari always buys? They're made by CFC," he told L. "It stands for Chocofornication.

"Choco…"

"Fornication, yes."

"Hell yeah," Mello whooped. "I picked the brand cos the name rocked so much!"

"It's also the brand of chocolate Mello eats all the time," Matt stated, in case anyone was left in any doubt on this subject.

"But lately," Near added from the ground, "they've branched out into other areas of the market. This toy," he held up his dinosaur, "is a product of CFC. Apart from there it stands for _Child Fun Company."_

"And my favourite games company," Matt chimed in, "is hosting a Christmas competition sponsored by _Competitions For Chocolate._ See who can complete their new game by December the prize is-"

"A life's supply of these." Mello held up one of his trademark bars.

"Isn't that just convenient?" Light asked. "I don't get the problem."

"Well, aside from the fact that we at Wammy's are trained to be suspicious of anything and everything," Mello replied, "it's sort of conspicuous that Near, Matt and me are all having our favourite brands taken over by this one company. At first we just thought it was kinda neat, but we've been noticing something weird about the chocolate lately."

"What sort of weird?" Light asked.

"Weird, as in the price has gone up, but more and more people seem to be buying it. And, it tastes different," Mello answered. "And trust me, if anyone is qualified to comment on the taste of Chocofornication, it's me."

"And what exactly do you want us to do?" L asked. His thumb was at his lips, and he looked completely absorbed in the not-quite-case.

"We want," Mello said dramatically, "to find out who's trying to steal Christmas."

Silence leaned her elbows on the table, and decided to exert her presence once again. She was interrupted a few seconds later by Matt.

"Pfff," he sniggered, putting his fist in his mouth. "That sounded so over the top, Mels."

"All right," Mello amended with poor grace. "We want to know what's up with CFC trying to monopolise the entire Christmas market. It can't be to bring joy to all the kiddies, right?"

"Have you considered the fact that it is the ambition of all companies to expand their market audience and make a greater profit?" L asked mildly. Mello, Matt and even Near all pulled out identical looks of distaste.

"We're not stupid," Mello said scornfully. "It's not just that. There's… something up with the chocolate. Er."

"I think I might be missing something here," L said softy, looking piercingly at the three teens, all of whom looked remarkably shifty. "Can you look me in the eye and tell me you haven't been doing anything incriminating and/or dangerous?"

"Er," Matt supplied when it looked like Mello's vocabulary had run dry.

"There might have been. Er," Mello augmented eventually.

"I think," L said, reaching for another cookie, "you had better begin from the beginning."

**So last time I got a LOT of favourites and alerts. This time, some more reviews would be nice too, please. Good? Bad? Inexplicable crack? Let me know!**


	3. Alchemy for Sugar Addicts

**Sorry, sorry, that took a lot longer than planned, but two presentations in one week will do that to a person. It's a bit short, mainly because I couldn't really think how to end it, so I just left it as it was. But read, enjoy, and review if you please, and more will follow soon. Also massive thanks to everyone who already reviewed, especially Mary Lou, to whom I can't reply since she is unsigned. I'm glad you're reading and I hope I manage to meet your expectations!**

"Well, the thing is L, what you have to realise is that it can get _very _boring around here," Matt said conversationally, Mello and the few wisps of Near's hair which could be seen nodding along in agreement.

"Understood," L nodded. "There are only so many crosswords I can think up on my days off to send to Roger. I've tried to ask Light-kun for assistance, but his just aren't the same."

"I resent that," Light pouted. "I happen to be incredibly talented at crossword clues, and Sudoku!"

"Yes, Light-kun, this is true. However, since even I was not aware of the existence of over half the kanji you were using, I'm afraid the subtleties of your clues might be a little lost on the children."

"It's a challenge," Light defended. "Barely even that; I could read over 5000 kanji before I finished preschool."

"Is Light-kun saying my knowledge of the Japanese language is in some way lacking?" L asked innocently, bringing his thumb to his lips. "Perhaps I should create an individually tailored crossword for Light-kun and see how long it takes him to solve it."

"Well even crosswords can get dull after a while," Near interjected before Light and L could stir up another full-blown argument. "And I have lately devised a mathematical formula to break any Sudoku within thirty seconds."

"And my Gameboy broke a few weeks ago," Matt added, "so we were looking for something new to do."

"And did this something new involve any horrendous disfigurations or destruction of valuable property?" L asked knowingly.

"Well, yes, but that's not the point," Mello dismissed idly. "The point is, K gave us this idea-"

"-and we thought it'd be fun to try it out," Matt finished.

"_Mello _thought it would be fun," muttered Near.

"Who is K? Light asked, frowning. "I thought I knew the names of all the children in the house."

"Which is faintly disturbing, if you think about it," L mused. "Do I need to expect an ulterior motive, Light?"

"I take an interest in your family!" Light defended. "_You _forgot Sayu's last birthday."

"But I did know that she was dating Matsuda-san," L added.

"What?"

"For almost six months. She told me not to tell you in case you hired a sniper."

"Sniper? I'll kill him with my bare hands!"

"In light of your history, that's not the sort of thing you should be saying. I might have to handcuff you to me again."

"We do that anyway!"

"Perhaps we should get back on topic before the boys choke to death," L said thoughtfully, finally acknowledging the spluttering sounds which were emitting from Mello and Matt; Near's mouth was slightly open, his brow wrinkled in faint confusion.

"Of course," Light said smoothly, cheeks only slightly pink. "Who or what is K?"

"He's a new boy," Near supplied as Matt and Mello regained their breath, "whose interest lies in alchemy."

"Ah," L and Light said together.

"You are referring to, I believe," L clarified, "a very small boy of nine with a lot of hair and a propensity for shredding whatever he has to hand into little pieces?"

"He calls himself Khmi," Near supplied. "Most likely from the hieroglyph meaning 'black earth', a possible etymological origin of the word 'alchemy'. But we call him K for short."

"And because only the cool kids are allowed more than one letter," Mello chimed in helpfully.

"I see," L mused. "Has he managed to create gold yet?"

"Well, no," Mello shuffled his feet guiltily. "But we thought we'd help him out one day, since we had nothing else to do. Apart from-"

"We thought it'd be cool if he could create unlimited amounts of chocolate," Matt grinned enthusiastically, eyes glazing over under his goggles at the thought.

"Did he manage to do that?" L asked eagerly. Light cleared his throat pointedly.

"Are we getting to the point soon?" he asked.

"Yep," Matt nodded. "Mello gave K a few bars of Chocofornication to work on, and K took them to his lab and showed us how to separate all the component ingredients. It was way cool."

"He basically took the bar apart and put it back together again," Mello said in admiration. "It even tasted the same."

"But he didn't manage to multiply it," Near shrugged, "although the reassimilation of the ingredients without any loss of mass was rather remarkable."

"He'd be the best in the school if he was interested in anything except chemistry," Matt agreed. Even Mello nodded, although it looked like it cost him slight pain.

"But about a week ago, he said he'd run out of chocolate to experiment on, and could I get him some more," Mello continued. "He never leaves his lab, so I said ok, since he was doing me a favour."

"And he said he'd pay you as much as you liked once he'd managed to work out how to turn things into gold," Near said dryly.

"Well, yeah," Mello agreed awkwardly.

"But anyway," Matt interrupted, "he came back to us the next day and told us that the ingredients of the chocolate had changed. There was another ingredient in the chocolate which wasn't supposed to be there."

"This, by the way, is how the lab got blown up," added Near.

"How so?" asked Light interestedly.

"Well, the ingredient turned out to be volacilic acid," Matt said matter-of-factly.

"So it sort of exploded the lab the instant K mixed it with water."

"But that was totally nobody's fault at all," Mello said emphatically. "How were we supposed to know they had some crazy-ass acid in their chocolate?"

"That is indeed odd," L said thoughtfully. "I wonder whether it was an anomaly? I admit I am not very well informed on this particular substance."

"I actually heard from Roger that you really sucked at science," Mello said conversationally. "Is that true, L?"

"I came top of my year in science," Light remarked quietly. L remained impassive.

"Come to think of it, for someone who likes cake so much, I've _never _seen you in the kitchen," Light added a few moments later, a smirk playing around his lips.

"That is because Light-kun's own skills as a housewife are so perfectly honed, therefore I have no need to undertake any culinary experiments," L responded. The smirk fell from Light's lips like a stone from the sky. Mello sniggered evilly.

"Is this the end of the story?" Light asked quickly. He was rewarded with three meek nods.

"Then we had better meet with K," L decided.

"Weeellll," Matt dragged out the syllable for all it was worth. "You know what you said about horrific disfigurements?"

"Is he ok?" Light sounded alarmed.

"Weeeellllllll," Matt said again, "just make sure you don't say anything about his hair. It turns out he was kinda vain about it."

"Oh dear," said Light feelingly, automatically reaching up one hand to check his own perfect locks.

"Perhaps you had better stay behind, Light-kun," L said snidely. "Looking at your excessive grooming might upset him."

"I suppose you won't be having the same problem," Light retorted snippily, eyeing what looked like a nest of charcoaled feathers sprouting from his lover's skull.

"Is it just me, or do those two seem to do nothing but argue?" muttered Matt under his breath to Mello.

"God save us from sexually frustrated masterminds," Mello muttered back.

**So that's what they've been up to. Next chapter we'll meet K, and have some more fun with L and Light... maybe in a candy store. If anyone wants to see any particular Smexmas scenario (T only, people, I'm talking mistletoe and cake here, not kinky Santa bondage or anything) let me know and I'll see what tickles my fancy. Review!**


	4. Mark of a Wammy's Kid

**Another chapter, and so soon that I have very little to say except thanks for all the response! Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, all the 'science' in this fic us absolute bullcrap and made up simply to sound cool. **

Since L was basically antisocial and a control freak, he drew from the mysterious depths of his baggy jeans a fiendishly difficult riddle for the three boys to squabble over whilst he and Light went to look for K; although for some strange reason he was rather partial to the company of his three best students, when it came to an interrogation, he liked to be in full control. Light had always felt rather smug about the fact that only he was ever allowed to assist L in an investigation as anything more than a coffee boy, although of course he had never said as much to Matsuda's face. Come to think of it, he might have to reconsider his tact since the airheaded detective was apparently dating his sister.

"Are you coming, Light-kun, or would you rather serve as a door-jamb for the rest of the day?" L asked innocently. Light's head snapped up, and he realised he had been standing with one foot through the door for the last thirty seconds.

"I'm coming," he said with as much dignity as he could scrape up off the floor. Mostly, he was just thankful that none of the squirts at the orphanage were tall enough to place any mistletoe death-traps above the doorframe.

"I trust Light-kun is familiar enough with the average Wammy's child to know how to act," L said, his tone assuming that he did.

"I've managed to live with you, haven't I?" Light teased. L gave him a fond look.

"Yes, but I get the distinct feeling that you and I are exceptions to almost every rule."

Light smiled knowingly in response. That was something he could second. How many genius detectives ended up dating the genius criminals handcuffed to their person?

"If I can be accepted by Matt, Mello and Near, I'm sure K will be no problem," he assured L.

"Of course. Just one moment," L replied, pausing for a second to look Light squarely up and down. Light blinked, confused, then yelled out as two pale, spiderlike hands flashed up to ruffle up his flawless hair.

"Why- you-" he spluttered in the face of L's wicked grin.

"You will do very nicely, Light," L decided happily. Light tried to scowl, but at that moment an acrid smell met his nostrils, and it turned into a grimace. Two small blond heads peeked out of a door further up the corridor.

"L? Can you get K to stop polluting the corridor? It's bothering my tropical fish," one of the heads said.

"Wait, is K's lab in his _room_?" asked Light incredulously. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"The lab is in the basement," L said, "but since it has been destroyed, I suspect that K has relocated to his own bedroom to continue his experiments."

"Is that allowed?" Light asked.

"The rule at Wammy's house is if you can win the argument against Roger, you can pretty much do whatever you like," L shrugged. "Why do you think Mello's allowed to wear leather? After two hours of violent rhetoric about freedom of expression, we just gave in and accepted it."

"I suppose that's the same premise under which you've never had a haircut," Light sighed.

"And under which you are allowed to spend three hours in the bathroom every morning," L reminded him.

"At least it makes the apartment smell nice. This whole corridor smells like a fireworks factory."

Trying not to breathe too deeply, L and Light made their way to where the air was thickest and most foggy, and unanimously concluded that this must be the centre of operations. L turned the handle, and both men entered bravely.

The room was fairly standard for Wammy's, which meant that it was approximately the size of a small classroom and supplied with lab, benches and Bunsen burner as per request of the resident; L's own room had a library to rival any palace, and an explosion of cuddly animals. Somewhere under the chemical fug and the mess of test tubes, files and instruments Light didn't even want to begin to describe, there must have been a bed. Seated in the middle of a mound of wires, several tubs of eruptive substances with the consistency of volcanic yoghurt and what looked like shredded pink and gold paper, sat a small child.

If a comparison had to be drawn, he looked like Near on electric shock treatment wearing his father's labcoat. Assuming rather erroneously that he had a father, and that said father had a labcoat, in any case. His hair was probably light brown, and probably nicely curly on a good day, but the ends were currently scorched black and sort of frazzled, and he had tied up his bangs with what looked like a pipecleaner so that they stuck directly upwards like a miniature brown explosion in suspended animation. His eyes, when they flickered towards his guests, were the same vast black pools with which Light was so familiar, but instead of stormy grey there was just a lick of green submerged by his huge pupils.

"L," he greeted briefly, and went back to dipping coloured paper into a vat of bubbling liquid.

"May we sit?" L asked politely. K gestured vaguely at what might have been a sofa; it was hidden underneath the fearsome grandfather of a chemical still, and what was definitely some sort of complicated maze. Complete with rats. Light made a mental note not to move his feet too much in case any of them had managed to find their way out yet.

"I'm sorry to hear about the lab; I'll have Quillsh begin repairs immediately," L told the tiny scientist.

"It's all right; Matilda and Mary weren't hurt, there was just a lot of equipment damage," K replied calmly. "Roger let me install a lot of spare stuff in my room, so I haven't been too inconvenienced."

"When you say 'let'…" Light couldn't resist, like poking at a scab.

"I mean that he could not prevent me from doing it," K replied matter-of-factly. Light smirked a little. This boy reminded him strongly of L, who could be very sneaky when it came to getting what he wanted from either him or Watari.

"What are you making?" he asked after a second or two of nothing but vaguely glutinous sounds from the vats and the vague shuffle of paper.

"Christmas decorations," came the prompt reply.

"Uh, Christmas decorations?" Light eyed the mess before his eyes with suspicion.

"The film last night was Tim Burton," K explained. "The animal skeletons are next to the mulled wine." Both L and Light suppressed a shudder.

"Would you like some?" K asked politely. Light did not want to know to which he was referring.

"Have you made any progress on the issue of the chocolate?" L asked, carefully edging away from the rather horrible topic currently on offer.

"No good," K replied promptly.

"In what way?" L pursued.

"Can't be done unless Roger agrees to install a particle sub-converter, and he says pigs'll fly before that can happen, and I don't have much time to research animal aviation at the moment. But from what I hear, mass production is a fairly cheap way of supplying oneself with copious amounts of chocolate anyway, so I'm not too worried. Really, I'm more interested in gold."

It was a testament to how much time Light had spent around the wrong sort of people that none of the statements in the speech caused him any surprise at all. Nor did the fact that they had just come out of the mouth of a human being who reached the approximate hight of his kneecaps.

"What about the acid?" L asked, looking about as disturbed as Light, which was not very.

"Don't need any, Beta said he could get me some for cheap," K said. "Could you pass me that tube over there? No, not that one, the one with the mould growing in it."

Light exchanged a look with L, who shrugged. If he had been a more generous person, Light would have attributed to K a singular talent for sarcastic humour. As it was, he preferred to think that the boy just had no social awareness whatsoever.

"Mello is under the impression that there was some sort of unusual ingredient in the chocolate he gave you," L tried again patiently.

"Volacilic acid? Oh yes, that's why my lab exploded, you know," K said vaguely, adding a few drops of something to the mould test tube with a syringe.

"Do you know why something like that might be in chocolate?" L asked, his voice taking on a slightly pleading note; he was used to full attention whilst interrogating somebody, and Light knew he was wishing that a screen and voice alteration software were currently separating him and this minefield of unknowable substances.

"Hmm? I don't know. Why, do you?"

"Has Roger set you any homework to do over the Christmas break?" L asked innocently, thumb jumping to his lips.

"Make Christmas decorations," K responded immediately. "I'm investigating the mechanics of a paper chain."

"Then I wish to set you another project; tell me what possible motives there might be for putting volacilic acid into chocolate." L's eyes were alight with the obsessive glint of somebody who has already reached a conclusion and wants to confirm it with the world watching. Light sighed, very quietly.

"Yes, L," K said obediently.

"Just one question," Light added. "Since you've never met either of us before, how did you know he was L and not me?"

"It was the hair," K said, not looking up. "Thank you for visiting me. Please let me know when it's time for dinner. I hear it's chicken, and I've almost run out of bones."

L dragged Light out of the room before he could start the barrage of questions, so it was only L's wide, innocent eyes which were watching in mild amusement as Light compulsively checked his hair in one of the tinsel-decked windows.

"What did he mean by the hair?" he asked in bewilderment.

"Never mind that, Light-kun," L smiled his best enigmatic smile. "We only have an hour or so before it gets dark. I want to visit a candy store."

"But we have plenty of sweets here. This house is practically _made _of sweets!"

"However, I wish to do some research," L decided. "If Light-kun wishes, I will also buy him a Christmas present, although I am 86% certain that you no longer bear any grudge against me for bringing you here."

"You still have to be extra-nice to me," Light pouted. "And you're 14% wrong," he muttered under his breath.

Out of one of the many bay windows on the North front of the orphanage, a pair of wide black eyes with just a hint of green watched as two muffled figures, one slouching and scruffy, one neat and erect, walked hand in hand down the sweeping drive towards the town.

"They walked," he murmured to his silent room, his breath fogging up the glass a little as he spoke. "I wonder if they'll get back before it's too dark?"

In his agile fingers, a chocolate wrapper was slowly being shredded into tiny silver scraps. Behind him, a new set of experiments were already half set up.

**So? Next chapter will probably be some nice Christmassy filler with L and Light, so look forward to it. And tell me what you think so far...**


	5. Something Sweet

**Yes, it took this long to come out, and it is filler. Hopefully everyone will enjoy the angsty, fluffy goodness though. And I will definitely finish this fic in time for Christmas, I've just been horribly busy this term, unsurprisingly. And I've been watching Hetalia (spot the reference) which is a bit of a time-eater whenever I'm not stuck in the Library.**

"Why am I not surprised that despite your inability to travel anywhere further than the bathroom without Watari as your chauffer, you still know the locations of all the sweet shops in Winchester?" Light asked with a sigh as he and L entered the largest confectionary store Light had ever seen. L's face was appropriate to that of a very religious man entering a place of worship.

"I am very thorough in my research, Light-kun," L replied seriously. "Besides, for someone with insomnia as acute as mine, procrastination does tend to take on a new meaning. I have memorised the locations of over nine hundred cake and sweet shops of particular quality all over Europe and Asia."

"That's so extreme I'm not entirely sure how I should respond," Light replied, looking stunned. L gave him a crafty smile.

"It's all in the name of exercising my abilities for extensive recall," he explained.

"I suppose it's nice to be prepared for every eventuality?" Light said weakly. Privately, he resolved never to let L know how much his good sense of direction depended on his iPhone.

"So what are we looking for?" Light said out loud after a few moments, in which it looked like L was being successfully distracted by a large display of reindeer-shaped lollipops.

"Light-kun, why do candy stores persist in creating anatomically incorrect images for consumption by small children? It will give them a false impression," L frowned, examining the cheery caricature of a reindeer head with mild concern.

"Something like this has more aesthetic appeal for children," Light explained. "See, it's cute."

"Take the man out of Japan…" L mused softly, stifling a smile. "I am glad to see that your soft side is still in existence, Light-kun."

"Well, I might love you for your mind, Ryuuzaki, but, uh, you know." Light broke off, blushing, and cursed himself for ever starting such a foolish sentence.

"Light-kun thinks I'm cute?" L asked point-blank.

"Er – ah – I mean-" Light floundered.

"Then buy me this." L held out the lolly, his face uncompromisingly mercenary and clinical.

Light sighed.

"Taking advantage of someone's cultural weaknesses is not cute at all," he muttered, but he automatically reached for his wallet. L's eyes gleamed with amusement.

"It is generous of Light-kun to offer to fund our expedition; to take a reasonable survey of CFC's products, we will need to buy at least two samples of each type, including special Christmas brands and variety packs…"

Light's face grew darker and darker as L listed enough types of chocolate to poison a small nation. Once again he had been utterly manipulated into believing in L's favourite airheaded chibi deception. After so long, he should really have known better than to believe that L's mind was ever less than 100% focused on his goals.

"He wasn't distracted even for a second, was he?" he muttered bitterly.

On their way back, there was a little more distance between them as they struggled with heavy bags of Christmas chocolate. This masked the fact that Light was sulking. Sometimes, he felt utterly used. Since he had given up on being Kira, he seemed to be the only one of the couple who ever did anything just for the sake of doing it, and this irked him. With L, it seemed that the only time he would ever show any affection towards him was when he wanted something. How was it that the proud God of the World had turned into a lovestruck, much abused errand boy? It somehow didn't seem fair. Had L been born without emotions or something?

And, to make it even worse, there was nothing Light could do about it because, despite how angry it made him, he fell for it every single time L apologised with wide puppy-dog eyes. But it was difficult to tell whether L truly cared about him, or whether he was simply manipulating him to keep him happy and tame. It was true that L needed him; if it had not been for him, they would not get through have the workload that was required, and his deductions had been vital in many cases they had solved. But whilst Light was able to be occasionally weakened into doing little things to please L, like baking him chocolate chip cookies, it seemed that L never did anything like this in return. If they went on a 'romantic trip' somewhere, it was because L wanted to investigate something in that place. If Light's favourite snack ever turned up in the shopping, it was because Watari had had the foresight to buy it. Even when Light had swallowed his pride and showed L the matching scarves his mother had knitted for them, L's had never so much as been touched.

Light sighed heavily, and cast a quick glance at his companion. L, oblivious, was sucking thoughtfully on a sugared almond, humming the theme tune for _Hetalia _under his breath as he walked.

Well, so much for L's procrastination always being productive.

Back at Wammy's, they were confronted with the problem of how best to enter unassaulted with large quantities of chocolate in their hands. Fortunately, Mello had pre-empted this issue and, well-used to keeping other children's grubby fingers away from his stash, propelled them expertly into the playroom, which Near obligingly barricaded with his hoard of building-blocks.

"Mission success?" Matt asked eagerly, lowering his Gameboy for a few moments to examine the bulging shopping bags.

"Indeed," L replied cheerily. "Now comes the difficult part. I trust I can rely on your assistance?"

"Yeah," Matt and Mello said eagerly, whilst Near hung back looking suspicious; the prospect of eating mounds of chocolate for a case seemed slightly too good to be true.

"Firstly, I will need K-kun to confirm the presence of the mysterious ingredient in each of these products. Thereafter I would like to test the effects of the products on the three of you. I am 94.3% sure that there will be no lasting adverse effects, and the reward is, of course, that you get to eat a lot of chocolate and not be told off by Roger. Are these terms acceptable?"

Three furiously nodding heads followed this query, and L gave them a rare smile. "Excellent; can I trust the three of you to deliver these bags to K-kun, then?"

Once the boys had tripped over their own feet to get their hands on the chocolate as soon as possible, Light was once again left alone with L, this time with a frown on his face.

"L, you do realise that Mello probably already has a high tolerance for whatever this thing is," he began.

"So?" L asked, face blank.

"Well, it might be better if he didn't skew the results of the observation; using clean subjects who have for certain not ingested any CFC products before might be a better idea from a scientific perspective."

"I have considered this, Light," L replied. "However, there is only one person who fulfils this criteria, and I would prefer not to risk him as a test subject."

Light's mouth felt dry as he disciplined his lips into a response.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Because he is far too precious to risk. Besides, I shudder to think what such a sudden consumption of sugar might do to his lovely skin."

Light was torn between exasperation and amusement. When it came to L, the most genuine compliments he received were always the backhanded ones.

"However, I did not want Light-kun to feel left out," L carried on. "Therefore I took the liberty of procuring for him a product which was not made by CFC. Happy Christmas."

With a lopsided and very endearing smile, L removed from one baggy pocket a slightly melted reindeer lolly, which he handed to his rather surprised partner.

Light could not bring himself to tell L that it did not count as a present if the person you gave it to was the one who had paid for it in the first place. The moment was too good to lose.


	6. Next on Santa's List

**Yes, it is me, and with another chapter! I got home yesterday and slept for about twelve hours, and I have a headache and a horrible cough which make work seem very unattractive. It's too cold to even consider venturing out, so I thought it was the perfect time to write some more of this fic. There will probably be one more chapter and an epilogue, but since the next chapter is going to be an awesome one, I don't feel too bad. Enjoy, review, comment...**

Light woke up at fourteen minutes past three feeling slightly as if a train had hit him. Although he would have rather liked to lay the blame entirely on L, he suspected that what may have been largely responsible was the previous evening of decorating with the Wammy's children. Although he was very thankful to whatever higher power existed that he was immensely charming and attractive, since it had won him many favours in his relatively brief life, it did not come without its downsides. The greatest of these seemed to be that girls of a certain age simply adored him. He had lifted each and every one of the nineteen pre-pubescent Wammy girls onto his shoulders so that they could drape their paper chains and lopsided angels all over the ceilings, shelves and chandeliers of the orphanage. Then there had been the cookie baking session. The only upside had been that L never derided as unmanly anything that meant he got left in peace and received delicious snowman-shaped cookies at the end of it. In fact, he had gained a lot of kudos for his efforts; apparently, L did not feel very threatened by his competition, but that was, in his words, no reason not to mark his territory. Some of the older girls, too, seemed to have no issue with this, and had even used Light's generous ladder-services as an opportunity to hang wreaths of mistletoe over L's favourite chair, L's laptop, and L's doorway. Treacherous little deviants, Light thought to himself.

The reason Light woke at this ungodly hour, though, was tapping at his keyboard, illuminated by the ghostly glow of the fairy lights wound around the screen of his laptop.

"L?" Light croaked. He was used to L sitting up at all hours, of course, but there was something excited and tense about L's posture which alerted him to the significance of this particular nighttime pursuit.

"Ah, Light-kun," L said, turning and giving Light a lopsided smile. "I apologise for waking you, but I required your advice on a certain matter."

Light frowned. Hadn't he woken of his own accord? He shifted in the bed, and immediately rolled over about seven rolled sweet wrappers. He narrowed his eyes. Trust L to pelt him with missiles to get his attention.

"You know, some people wake their boyfriends up with a kiss," he grumbled. "Or wait till morning," he added darkly.

"Light-kun shouldn't say things he doesn't mean," L remarked idly. Light rolled his eyes. L had no sense of insecurity at all.

"What did you need my help with?" Light asked, brushing the sweet wrappers off the sheets and going to crouch over L's back, peering at the screen.

"I believe I have just worked out our case," L replied, indicating the screen. Light read.

"It does seem pretty obvious," he admitted. "So why do you need my help?"

"Well, I would appreciate your input in making arrangements, but what I really wanted was your philosophical advice. Would it, do you think, be more heartless to tell Mello and Matt that they will not have to sample all the chocolate, or to allow them to consume large quantities of what is, effectively, a stimulant?"

Light considered the question seriously. It would be a crushing blow for both boys if they were banned from eating the chocolate. But Light could well imagine what the two of them might do under the influence of a drug ten times stronger than caffeine.

"Perhaps we could replace the drugged chocolate with normal ones?" he suggested faintly.

"Unfortunately, they would notice within seconds," L sighed. "Once Watari tried to give Matt hamburgers with finely grated carrot in the patties. It wasn't a pretty scene."

"Really?" Light asked interestedly. "I always thought Matt was pretty laid back."

"Not when it comes to carrots," L shuddered. "For a boy who is third in Wammy's, he can be even more fiendishly manipulative than Mello with chocolate when it comes to avoiding eating them."

"In that case," Light tried again, "perhaps we could just tell them directly."

"Do you think Mello would care?" L asked sceptically.

"Good point," Light acknowledged.

"Besides," L added, "I feel somewhat guilty for solving their case so swiftly. Perhaps we should allow them to assess the situation for themselves? After all, I was younger than them when I began to solve crimes. I believe that K will by now have discovered the properties of the drug; if we let them have this information, they can pull together the rest themselves."

"It does mean we will have more time to spend by ourselves," Light mused, clearly wavering.

"I hear there is a new sushi restaurant open in town," L hinted. "It sells sweets, too."

Light grinned.

"It's a date," he said.

"So let me set this straight," Mello said as L and Light sat with identical innocent expressions on their faces. "You're both giving up on the case?"

"Yep," Light grinned.

"We thought we should give you three a little more credit," L smiled. "You are the top three in Wammy's; you don't need us to babysit you."

"So we get to decide how to proceed?" Mello asked tentatively.

"Absolutely," Light nodded.

"And you must take full responsibility for every decision you make," L added.

Mello sat back, frowning in thought. L and Light tried to suppress their grins as the expressions flitted across his face. It was obvious what he was thinking. As long as L and Light were in charge, he could kick back and enjoy the side benefits, like eating lots of chocolate. But if he was in charge, he had to impress everyone, and work hard to solve the case. Which meant that he could not mess around and eat chocolate. But he could prove that he was number one. The conflict on his face was almost comical. Especially when he realised that he might have to give the chocolate to other people to test it. But, as L had anticipated, the power-trip won over in the end.

"Right, c'mon, Matt, we're going to see K," he commanded, and dragged Matt out of the room by his collar.

"What about you, Near?" L asked. Near looked up passively.

"I asked Matt to hack into your network last night," he replied blandly. "We both worked everything out already, but we didn't want to upset Mello."

L looked flattered.

"He's just like I was at that age," he said fondly to Light. Light considered his own childhood, and decided to send his mother a really good Christmas present this year.

Light, L and Near were engaged in a tense game of Jenga when Matt and Mello thundered back into the room.

"Hey, hey!" Mello shouted, waving his arms around. "K says that the drug in the chocolate is a stimulant which makes people all happy and relaxed!"

"Oh?" L looked up mildly. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Mello said eagerly. "So what I think is that some guy from CFC wants to make all the people who buy CFC chocolate associate the feeling with the chocolate, so they'll go out and buy more of it! And if they like the chocolate, then they'll want to buy loads of other CFC branded products. It's a huge ploy to expand the company!"

"Where is the evidence?" L asked.

"In the chocolate!" Mello exclaimed.

"The only thing you know for certain is that there is a drug in the chocolate," Near said flatly as he put another brick on top of the teetering tower. "The rest is just a theory."

"Then we'll come up with a plan," decided Mello, not at all put off. "All we have to do is identify when and where the supply of tainted chocolate is coming from, and then storm the factory and catch them in the act. We can do that thing, like in that movie, where we force them to eat their own product until they confess."

"You should have been in the mafia," Light said, impressed despite himself. "How are you going to find out where the drugged chocolate is coming from, though?"

"Leave that to me," Mello grinned.

**And obviously, since it's Mello, his plan will be sensible and conservative. Right? Please review, you'll get snowman cookies made by Light...**


	7. Not So Silent Night

**Whoo, that took a while. Sorry for the sluggish updates, I've been busy, then ill, then busy some more, and I only just got my act together. I think this chapter completely departs from anything resembling real life and settles comfortably into the realms of crack, but hopefully it'll still be fun. Anyway, just an epilogue to follow, probably on Christmas Eve. Until then, enjoy!**

Light was beginning to regret the decision to put Mello in charge of the case. L had told him to think of it as an interesting psychological experiment to test his three best students, but Light was beginning to wish that he had merely completed the case himself from the warmth and comfort of his and L's bed. He had not anticipated Mello's method involving so much… action. Especially not this type of action. But L, unusually, appeared to be enjoying himself.

"I have never undertaken this sort of activity before," he said happily. "It is what I would call a family gathering atmosphere."

"What, hair-pulling and bickering?" asked Light, who was the only one with a family. "I would call it more of a community spirit sort of venture, if I was being charitable." If he wasn't being charitable, he added mentally, he would call it a method of elaborate torture for both the participants and the receivers.

"Community what? Screw that, its _undercover investigation_," Mello corrected them. "This is just a ruse to gather information."

"I'm sure there are simpler ways," Matt whined; the outdoors did not suit him.

"But this way we'll be inconspicuous," Mello insisted.

"How exactly can I be _inconspicuous_," Light drawled sarcastically, "in _this_?" Holding up both arms for inspection, Light displayed the rather creative angel costume he was encased in. It was twin to the ones L, Mello, Matt and Near were sporting, but it was still very clear that Light was feeling the absence of his usual casual but elegant attire. The abundance of fake glitter was not helping any. Mello, ever the drama-queen, was unabashed.

"They're great, aren't they? Matt and I used them last year to-"

"Ahem," Matt cleared his throat rather loudly. "Can we just get on with this?" he begged. He was looking the most bedraggled, and he must have been the only angel on the planet to be sporting goggles around his head instead of the more traditional tinsel halo.

"We're waiting for Beta to print us out the song list," Mello insisted. "Do you know, the words to 'Silent Night' actually don't go like I've been singing them all these years?"

"Did you really think that those were the real lyrics?" Matt muttered. "The fact that every second word was rude was sort of a giveaway."

"Yeah, yeah, anyway, I doubt that anyone would give carol singers their chocolate unless we do it right, even if we are the sexiest things that ever walked the earth," Mello dismissed. "I mean, look at Near."

There was a pause while everyone looked at Near. He was holding a slightly floppy teddy bear, and tugging at one silky white forelock, causing his gold tinsel halo to tilt over one eye. Dressed in his usual pure white, but with fluffy feathered wings protruding from his back, and glitter on one cheek, he was possibly the most adorable thing anyone had ever laid eyes on. It seemed that whilst Mello had laid claim to the 'sexy angel' title, he was willing to concede to Near on the cuteness front, if only for the purposes of his mission.

"So, are we all clear?" Mello said, strutting around his small group of heavenly investigators and doling out lyrics. "We sing our asses off from door to door and demand chocolate in return. That way, we can find out when and where this stuff is coming from without having to buy out the whole country. I've arranged so that my contacts across the country are doing the same thing, and reporting back with samples."

"Contacts?" Light asked suspiciously.

"Mostly his and Matt's gaming partners, and also some followers from his blog," Near clarified in a bored voice. "He watched one too many episodes of _Durarara!_ if you ask me."

Whilst Mello tried to strangle Near with his tinsel halo, they shuffled out of the door and down the street in a small, angelic huddle, and began their very important, possibly world-saving venture. According to Mello, anyway.

Singing, it transpired, was not Mello's strong suit, which begged the question why he had come up with the far-fetched plan in the first place. His voice was loud and enthusiastic, but his key was, most decidedly, off. Near settled for mouthing the words, whilst Matt, at Mello's glare, mumbled them half-heartedly and marginally more tunefully. L sang entirely in one note, although Light suspected that this was intentional. It was him, of course, who was endeavouring to bring up the standard with a little harmonising which was, of course, perfect. However many shortcomings Mello might have in tunefulness, however, he was exceptional at wheedling every scrap of Chocofornication out of each household they visited.

"Everyone's a sucker for cute orphans," he explained happily as he munched on a bar of confiscated chocolate.

"That's drugged, you know," Light reminded him pointedly.

"I know," Mello replied, frowning as if Light had some sort of mental deficiency. "What's your point?"

"Nothing," Light said quickly. He gave up on preserving his sanity for the night, and instead let himself be dragged to one last house for a cacophonous rendition of 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas, And Please Give Us Chocolate'.

Returning to Wammy's cold, tired, and weighted with the entire town's supply of chocolate, there was something a bit odd about the atmosphere. Wammy's House was a trap for the unwary on a good day, but there was a definite sensation of the special type of tension which follows the performance of mischief on a really epic scale. Matt was the first to put his finger on the most probable source.

"Hey, where's the tree?"

Five heads turned towards the corner where Light had painstakingly organised the decoration of a tree twice his height and about six times his width; it had completely vanished, along with the presents underneath it, leaving only a few stray pine needles as evidence. In fact, there seemed to be a little trail of needles, which the quintet unanimously began to follow with their eyes. It led through the door into the hallway. Then it led up the stairs. It led past doors, along landings, and finally, into the acrid-smelling space next to-

"K's room?" Mello said, bemused. "What does K want with the tree and all the presents?"

L's face flicked from surprise to careful blankness. "Oh," he said.

"Oh," said Light.

Near and Matt gained momentary expressions of enlightenment a second later.

"What?" said Mello. "_What am I missing_?"

"Um, let us pay a visit to K for a moment, Mello-kun," said L smoothly. "I think he might have discovered something which will help with your investigation."

Mello, looking a cross between furious and bewildered, nodded, and L knocked gently on the door.

A few seconds later, disturbing crashes and rustles emerged from within, and after a minute or so, a face about level with their stomachs emerged, the same little fountain of brown hair visible on top of his head.

"I found something interesting," K said happily, passing no judgement at all on the angel-clad ensemble. "Do you want to see?"

The five men picked their way through a sea of inexplicable paper-chains, apparently constructed from what was previously K's record of scientific notes, only in bold primary colours.

"I finished dyeing the paper with chemicals I made to create decorations," K explained, "but I think you will be interested in what I found out about the chocolate. Look." He managed to fight his way behind his desk again, and held up two little glass vials, both with identical-looking substances in them.

"What are we looking at?" Near asked blankly.

"I managed to distil the same chemical from the chocolate, and from the Christmas tree," K said, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder. "I have concluded that the extra ingredient in the chocolate is a semi-addictive stimulant derived from pine resin."

He looked around proudly, waiting for a response, but five sets of eyes were too busy looking over his shoulder. Five mouths fell open in horror. Behind K sat the mangled corpse of a Christmas tree, still half-hung with Light's carefully arranged decorations, but stripped of half its branches and pine needles, like a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy, only twice as upsetting. Next to it sat a heap of presents, all torn into and rummaged through as if set upon by a pack of hyenas, or possibly the two resident rats; Light checked the maze covertly, relieved to see them still searching fruitlessly for the exit.

"K-kun, what happened to the presents?" L asked. Light shot him a glance; for one, L sounded genuinely at a loss. There were very few things which did not originate from himself which were able to interfere with L's calculations. This, apparently, was one of them.

"I ran out of chocolate again," K replied casually. "I thought that the most likely source of more would be from within the gifts. And I was right! You see, I also discovered a very interesting correlation between the acid in the chocolate, and the season of Christmas. The availability of large amounts of the drug from pine trees and the scientifically proven endorphins released when the average person inhales the smell of 'Christmas' from a tree, suggests that the drug was put in the chocolate to amplify the association of the brand with the idea of Christmas, therefore more people would buy chocolate as presents. From my survey of the presents bought here, over 70% contained chocolate. I had to investigate every present here, but by doing so, I made a significant breakthrough. Was that wrong?"

Silence hung in the air like lead. Not one of the five geniuses was able to successfully string together an explanation as to why it was wrong to cannibalise an entire orphanage's supply of Christmas gifts for the sake of science. If you didn't already know, there was no hope for you.

"Not… wrong," L said eventually, trying the words out as if he were poking a jellyfish with a stick. "It was, I suppose, the logical thing to do. What concerns me more is that you felt the need to take the entire tree up to your room. Wouldn't a single clipping have sufficed?"

K's face showed honest surprise. "I didn't think of that," he said, his face the picture of truthfulness.

Light observed the reactions of the others. Matt, Near and L had varying degrees of horror on their faces, but Mello looked like Christmas had come early – although that probably wasn't the most tasteful comparison to make, Light chided himself mentally.

"What's made your day?" he asked. Mello tried and failed to stop smiling.

"He's a complete moron," he said finally, his face splitting into a huge smile. "Taking the entire tree, what the fuck? He might have worked out the stupid chocolate thing, but I totally knew that crap anyway. It was obvious from how much of the stuff we got from each house we went to. What were the chances of every single one of them giving us CFC chocolate unless they were brainwashed into associating Christmas with CFC by pine-resin based drugs? I totally worked that out without the need to murder any trees at all. I'm still number one, oh yeah!"

Near turned, and held up two fingers in front of Mello's face. Light put his face in his hands. How could Mello possibly think that serenading the entire town was any more efficient than tearing the house apart for research purposes? He and L had simply reviewed the statistics for the company's sales, with very minimal hacking, and the rest of the deductions had sprung from there. Not for the first time, he wished fervently for Christmas cookies, cocoa, and unmolested gifts with his family and L. There was no way on earth it was possibly to handle more than one eccentric genius at a time. Nevertheless, he tried his best.

"All right, Mello and Matt, please take that… _thing _– outside, along with this monster paper-chain. Tell the children we're having a bonfire. Yes, Mello, feel free to set it on fire as much as you like, just a safe distance from the house. Near, you're good at making things. Please fix these presents up as best you can and replace them downstairs in any formation you feel like. L, we'd better go and hide the rest of the chocolate before anyone finds it. No you can't eat any but yes, I did hide a few extra cookies for you earlier which you can have instead. And K… good work on the deductions, but it is rarely a good idea to take things which are not rightfully yours. To make up for it, why don't you apply your considerable talents to making us a new tree?"

A few moments of impressed silence followed the assertion, then everyone sprang into action.

"So," said Light, once he and L were alone, "those are the heirs to the title of L, are they?"

"They show a lot of promise, don't you think?" said L innocently. Light looked at him, long and hard, for any signs of sarcasm. Finally, he gave in.

"No wonder you never discovered I was Kira," he sighed. "You were raised in a madhouse."

**So yeah, the plot was epically predictable, but who really cares? Wammy's kid of choice dressed like an angel and singing you carols, anyone? Then leave a review :)**


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